thanksgiving 2002

some highlights...

grandma: apparently it's very inconvenient to have a family member who is hard of hearing. i read an article about how it can be very trying on a person's patience when they have to repeat everything over and over again.
great aunt: where did you read that article?
grandma: what?

my crazy cousin disappeared into his room and when he emerged, he was wearing a clint eastwood type belt with a pearl handled revolver, a dagger, another gun, and some amo. he paused in the doorway so that we would get the full effect and i swear i saw a tumble weed go by.
crazy cousin: i'm going to go for a walk.
me: (look at my watch) but it's not high noon yet.
crazy cousin: brigham young said that we should arm ourselves.
me:... dude, he was talking about the armor of god.
crazy cousin: i'm going to go back to church.
me: right now?
crazy cousin: i'm tired of being the oldest priest in utah valley.
me: ok.
crazy cousin: ...soooo... how many whores can you keep if you're active in the church?
me: no more than three.
crazy cousin: i see. didn't brigham young have 16 wives?
me: more like 27. and that was for eternity.
crazy cousin: no way.
me: way.

my great aunt: what is thong underwear?
mom: why don't you explain it kathryn...

me: if i was a lesbian would you guys still come to my wedding?
grandma: what?
me: if i was a lesbian, would you still come to my wedding?
mom: kathryn! don't say that.
me: what?
mom: the L word.
me: lesbian?
g-ma: lettuce?
great aunt: cary grant was gay.
me: did diane cannon know that?
g-ma: i want to come to your wedding!!
me: yay!