Good... And Good for You

dear the public , remember when i was all angsty and bitter at canada for turning me into their version of debbie gibson thus compelling me to make a grammy winning, multiplatinum album whose popularity i could never eclipse no matter how reborn and at peace and singing about india i was? ya? well, i don't know that you do remember because i've just been informed that after 10 years, album sales are starting to taper. and that's not going to work for me. there's this little thing called " a lifestyle " which i have become accustomed to- you know, taking trips to asia, heading up anti bush campaigns- and i don't understand why you people refuse to keep me in it. i've tried other methods of appeasing you. remember when i made that video where i was thanking random things and was naked the whole time and on the subway and standing on a corner and everyone was suddenly so thankful for the invention of the blurry dot? and then there was the whole "i...

the holidays. that most wonderful time of year where you dread getting on the bathroom scale for fear of what you will find there.

broadway musicals inevitabley get made into movies. you get the cheap, homogenized version of an on stage classic. thank goodness. i grew up watching those movies. i love LOVE movie musicals. and maybe most of the energy and performance quality gets sapped out when you watch a actor lip syncing on the big screen. maybe it is kind of annoying when you talk about a beloved musical and someone says, "oh definitely! and minnie driver was great." but i don't live on broadway and i'll take what i can get. that said, i saw "rent" yesterday. growing up it was one of three musicals i wasn't allowed to see. and since i will always feel the need to rebel against my mother in any way i can, i went to see it. and it was fine. mediocre. not very good. but at least i got to see the context of all the songs i've listened to over the years. plus, in the opening scene one of the characters is wearing the exact same outfit that carlton used to always wear on "fre...

crazy cousin once removed: where are the green beans? WHERE ARE THE GREEN BEANS?? great aunt: they're still cooking. ccor: great. GREAT! you make everything you like, but the one thing i want it STILL COOKING!! me: seriously. she's so selfish. great aunt: they'll be done in 5 minutes. ccor: GA A AH! (five minutes later) ccor: FINALLY!! me: it's a good thing you didn't over react. ccor: what? me: no. seriously. you played it really cool. in an attempt to break with tradition , i decided that this thanksgiving i would bond with my cousin. and with the above exception, i pretty much stayed on his good side. i listened to him talk about 'nam. i went with him to walmart and helped him buy a water pik. i admired his gun collection (not a euphemism, so don't even go there ) . and when he said he'd hidden the last gun in his collection upstairs "just in case", i smiled and said, "good thinking". i've turned over a new le...

i inevitabley have to deal with people who test my personal credos. especially when my credo is that i should be nice to everyone, no matter what. extraspecially if they come up to my office and say, "um... there's someone in the men's bathroom." and i'm all like, "oh... that's too bad." and they're like, "i really have to go. is there another bathroom?" and i'm all, "well, there's a girl's bathroom on the other side of the factory, but i wouldn't recommend it." and they're all, "i reeally have to go." and i'm like, "hu." and they're like, "so what should i do?" and i'm all, "i guess you just need to summon up all your willpower." and they pause for a second and then they're all, "summon up all my willpower? what does that mean?" and then i decide i've had enough and i turn back to my computer and i say, "that means hold it." i...

in my opinion, setting a goal is terrifying. because you might not acheive it. maybe "goal" isn't the right word to use, because i set a lot of goals everyday which i don't keep. and i don't really have a problem with it. i've already made it my goal twice today to "stop with the caffeine already". nope. "goal" isn't the right word to use. but neither is "dream". it's a little too corn bally with a bit of martin luther king jr thrown into the mix. to appease the semanticism of this particular ernie sabella entry let's say this, we all have our ambitions. our mt. everests that we say we're going to climb someday, but pretty much we just day dream about it. turning the whole effort part of it into a happy little mantage in our heads, kind of glossing over the hard work part of it, and mostly thinking about how fun it would be once all the hard work/mantagey stuff is over. and there's nothing wrong with that. ever...

today my mom left a message on my phone saying her brother had died. . . . i was not aware that my mom had a brother. and what an inappropriate time to spring that information on me. and then i remembered that i knew she had a brother. and a sister. 2 sisters? maybe even three. and maybe a few more brothers. but step brothers and sisters. or half. i'm not really sure how it works. but they're all my grandmother's age. and i've never met them. well, i met one once. but it was a long time ago and she was old and i thought she was my great aunt. i called my mom back and didn't really know what to say, because i'd never met this step/half brother once removed (can step/half brothers be once removed?). and i don't know how close my mom is to him since i've never known her to call him, or visit him, or write him a note. or really even talk about him except when she would talk to my grandma about how he did geneology and he'd become really really fat. wait...

dear ernie sabella*, i like being busy. i like, what those of us who speak the chocolate biz lingo refer to as, the busy holiday season. but i don't like that there are things i don't get to blog about when i'm busy... i hate dr. laura. i went to best buy on saturday and insulted salesguy tristan. there is nothing that easy cheese doesn't make better. i tried to take an online quiz about what my political views were, but somehow ended up taking a relationship quiz which said i was "deliberate", "brutal", "a priss", and that i "use sex as a weapon". duh. tell me something i don't know. the third time i bought a diet coke during one guy's shift, he said, "again?" and i said, "apparently there's not enough diet coke in the world to satisfy me today." and he said, "hu. i don't drink soda." and i said, "i don't know how to talk to you." and left. i think this older (the "...

if you're totally busy and you end up taking a late lunch and you're driving along sandhill road around 3:15ish, you might be lusky enough to see my favorite couple. they get around on a skateboard. it's adorable. because tiny blonde girl stands on the front of the skateboard and backwards baseball cap boy stands on the back and pushes and holds tiny blonde girl up. and if you listen close enough you can hear "the power of love" playing in the background. i can't help thinking that the skateboard couple is a metaphor for something. i don't know what.

she's right here... she's right here. i spent all day yesterday finding, buying, and building A FUTON. it took me all day because i'm very much not good at lifting, loading, reading directions, screwdrivering, and all that jazz. i'd like to give a shout out to walmart's ryan and tyler for trying to shove a box full of futon into my two door car. and i'd also like to explain to 17 year old ryan and married tyler that me asking them when they would be at my apartment to unload, was not a proposition but a joke. but if it hadn't been a joke, tyler, you showed a lot of integrity and ryan, um... thanks? and while i'm dishing out gratitude, thanks to random glasses man for helping me balance the box-o-futon on my cart. and thanks to random buying shampoo girl for helping me steer my cart. and thanks to the family in the mini van for not laughing at me when i tried to go down the ramp and the cart tipped over and the b-o-f rolled out in front of them. and thank...

first of all, let me point out that this morning i woke up in a puddle of mattress because my air mattress had sprung a leak at some point during the night. my reaction? hit snooze and try to roll over, and when that proved impossible, shrug. and go back to sleep. i had to go to work without brushing my teeth, because my roomate was in the shower and i was very very late. the last time i went without brushing my teeth was... now let's see... way back in.... oh ya, that's right NEVER! oral hygeine is very important to me. i feel very uncomfortable right now. because i have this obsession with bad breath. so i'm chewing an insane amount of eclipse: polar ice gum and keeping everyone at arms length which, actually, i should have as a work rule anyways, and figuring that i can probably go home to brush during lunch if i skip the lunch part of lunch. anyways, waking up in a destroyed bed... running hideously late to work... that had no effect on my mood, but not brushing my t...