letter from alanis

dear the public,

remember when i was all angsty and bitter at canada for turning me into their version of debbie gibson thus compelling me to make a grammy winning, multiplatinum album whose popularity i could never eclipse no matter how reborn and at peace and singing about india i was?
ya? well, i don't know that you do remember because i've just been informed that after 10 years, album sales are starting to taper. and that's not going to work for me. there's this little thing called "a lifestyle" which i have become accustomed to- you know, taking trips to asia, heading up anti bush campaigns- and i don't understand why you people refuse to keep me in it.
i've tried other methods of appeasing you. remember when i made that video where i was thanking random things and was naked the whole time and on the subway and standing on a corner and everyone was suddenly so thankful for the invention of the blurry dot?
and then there was the whole "i'm not afraid to play god in a kevin smith movie" phase. hehehe... that was fun.
but even that didn't make you as happy as my song about having one hand in my pocket! so what did i do? i stuck with what worked. a few months ago i re-recorded the entire "jagged little pill" album but did it all acousticky so it would reflect a new side of my angst.
some of you bought it. which is good, although i can't understand why you didn't buy two or three copies. listen, i've got a b list celebrity fiancee to support. and it's not like we're getting any "two guys a girl and a pizza place" syndication checks in the mail.
so here's what i've done. i've released my greatest hits album. it has all the songs you loved before. including, but not limited to the song i wrote about dave coulier a.k.a joey from "full house" a.k.a the surprisingly down to earth one from that season of "surreal life" just like eric estrada and that peter brady guy. you love that song, remember? you sing it at the top of your lungs every time you get dumped! you should own as many different versions of that song as you can get your hands on!
and you should buy a greatest hits cd for all of your loved ones for christmas. who knows! maybe the song "still" will start to grow on them.
in any case, it's the only solution i can think of besides, you know, making an entirely new and original album.

yours,
la morissette