sense and sensitivity

today my mom left a message on my phone saying her brother had died.
.
.
.
i was not aware that my mom had a brother.
and what an inappropriate time to spring that information on me.

and then i remembered that i knew she had a brother. and a sister. 2 sisters? maybe even three. and maybe a few more brothers.
but step brothers and sisters. or half. i'm not really sure how it works. but they're all my grandmother's age. and i've never met them. well, i met one once. but it was a long time ago and she was old and i thought she was my great aunt.

i called my mom back and didn't really know what to say, because i'd never met this step/half brother once removed (can step/half brothers be once removed?). and i don't know how close my mom is to him since i've never known her to call him, or visit him, or write him a note. or really even talk about him except when she would talk to my grandma about how he did geneology and he'd become really really fat. wait. maybe it's her cousin who does the geneology.

the conversation went pretty well, though.
and i might be going to his funeral in southern utah next tuesday.

here's hoping they don't ask me to give the eulogy.

Comments

Erika said…
I don't even know what it means to be once removed. Does that mean like, someone caused a scene at the last family reunion was was asked to leave?
Ben said…
Removed from the family is still better than removed by "The Family".
Leah said…
My Grandma has siblings she doesn't talk to/about. But that may be because her dad was a polygamist. Or so the rumor goes. In that case she probably has siblings she doesn't even know about.
Jon said…
Once I told my born-again-Christian friend about my polygamist ancestry, and she was scared out of her wits. I thought they were nice stories, but it probably wasn't the best idea.
Nama said…
hmmm...akward.
Chester B. said…
At the funeral, if anybody asks you about your relationship with this uncle, you should just make something fantastic up.

Who would be the wiser?
And something tells me you'll never see any of those people again!

Well, unless there's another funeral...
Jay said…
I gave a eu-google-y once, when I was on the mission trip. Word of advice: if you do give it, make sure you have more than half a page of material. Otherwise, you'll have to go off on a churchy tangent to fill time.

Having some eyedrops might be a good idea too.
Anonymous said…
K, last time I went out of town to a funeral for someone I didn't know I came back with a free car. I'm so excited for you!

-Kate
Lincoln said…
"I was not aware that my brother had a brother"
When I read that I made one of those half gasp/half laugh out loud kind of noises. The kind you make when you hear a very inappropriate joke that is nonetheless extremely funny. Aw, Kathryn, even in times of sorrow you have the ability to shock/amuse us. That's why we all love you and are all devout followers of this blog. Keep it up. And I'm sure you'll come back with some great stories from the funeral.
Anonymous said…
Being "once removed" means you're one generation off. So, if you and somebody else are second cousins, and you had a kid, that other person would be your kid's "second cousin once removed." If that person had a kid, then the two kids would be third cousins to each other.

I think?
Erin said…
I didn't know your mom had a brother either.
barnesanova said…
i have 7 step and half siblings myself. don't feel insensitive. i tend to amount it to spaceballs... my sisters brothers cousins former roommate... some things are just flat out tough to keep track of.
Kirsten said…
um, yeah I am sure you will act appropriately. my friends mom died. and I was sad for him and I went to the funeral. but I didn't cry and I wondered if I was supposed to. my friend next to me was balling. maybe it's kind of like a wedding, people are just comforted by the fact that someone cared enough to show up. I know that is how I will feel. BTW kat.... will you email me your adress so I can send you an invitation eddiethegirl@gmail.com