jabber

when i was six years old, i broke my nose. and i when i say i broke my nose, i mean that my sister and i were playing superwoman on our swingset in the backyard and i got swung too high. and when i say that i was swung too high, i mean that my sister laughed diabolically as she swung me higher and higher until i slipped off the swing and fell on my face. but don't feel bad for me because i gave as good as i got. and when i say i gave as good as i got i mean that i have a very distinct memory of rushing at her one time and biting her. hard. awkward.
now then... because i have a broken nose, i have a rotten sense of smell. i didn't always know this. until i was 19 years old, i thought i had a normal sense of smell. and when i say i thought i had a normal sense of smell, i mean that i never really had cause to think about it. and when i say i never really had a cause to think about it, i mean that i just assumed everyone else was exaggerating or being over dramatic when they talked about how something smelled. until one day when my best friend and i were cooking. and when i say cooking i mean trying to make chicken alfredo pizza... with thyme in the crust. and apparently thyme smells delicious as my friend pointed out and i just rolled my eyes and said it doesn't smell like anything and you know it. and that turned into a spice smelling extravaganza and that's when i realized the awful, awful truth.
i'm missing one of the essential five senses. not that my other 4 are so sharp either.
in a world where smells are everywere, i wander cluelessly. and when i say cluelessly, i mean that several times a day i have to b.s. my way through a smell related situation. and when i say b.s. i mean that i sniff whatever the person wants me to, and then mimic their facial expression because i have no idea whether or not the smelly thing was good smelly or bad smelly, but i figure they probably just wanted affirmation and don't so much care that i don't know what i'm talking about.
i don't like telling people about my inability to smell. and when i say that i meant that it's never a succinct conversation because i go on tangents and they ask the same follow up questions... yes, i can taste food except for tea. yes, i can smell some things. and when i say that i mean that the human brain is amazing because it remembers smells. a lot of times i won't be able to identify a smell, and then people say what it is and all of a sudden i can smell the smell a lot better because my brain remembers what it smells like. it's like when you smell something and it triggers a memory... except in reverse.
apparently, something stinks in the office closet. why'd they have to tell me? jerks. i didn't smell it until they said something.